As I sit by my window, still reflecting on yesterday’s chat with a dear friend, her words echoing in my mind—“the good old days”—I can’t help but feel a twinge of nostalgia. It’s the same tune I hear from people near and dear to me, wistfully reminiscing about times when respect was a given and you didn’t need a corporate seminar to teach adults the difference between “please” and “thank you.” But times change, and apparently, so does the way we communicate, relate, and yes—flush the toilet. Etiquette has become an endangered species, and while some of today’s customs feel like progress, others make you want to scream, “Is this what we’ve come to?”
Let’s take a look at this wild ride, and with a laugh or two, maybe even make some sense of it while we reflect.
Etiquette Evolutions (Or How We Went from Handshakes to Hashtags)
1. Digital Communication: Quick, Convenient, and Occasionally Catastrophic
Ah, the joy of digital convenience. We’ve swapped handwritten letters for rapid-fire texts, emojis, and emails that go from “sent” to “seen” faster than you can say “LOL.” The only downside? That emotional disconnect and misunderstandings. In the “good old days,” letter writing or phone calls demanded patience and time, encouraging thoughtfulness and care with words —proofreading it for politeness before mailing it off…Now, we’re so wired in that many of us get separation anxiety if our phone isn’t within three feet. It’s a truth universally acknowledged that if you dare put your phone down, you’ll be instantly lost in a sea of notifications.
Example: Take today’s youth, practically welded to their phones at family gatherings. Grandma’s story about her youth? Skipped in favor of a TikTok or Insta clip. Even science backs this one up: excessive texting can weaken face-to-face skills. Maybe it’s time to reintroduce good, old-fashioned eye contact as a form of social currency.
Insight: Research shows that excessive texting can weaken interpersonal skills, as it’s less nuanced than face-to-face or voice communication. Balancing screen time with real-time interactions could actually help people reconnect in ways that don’t require a Wi-Fi password. (Bonus: No battery worries.)
2. Open Conversations: Honesty is the New Etiquette
In a refreshing twist, today’s younger generations openly discuss mental health, diversity, and other topics that were once swept under the rug. Some older folks might think it’s “too much information,” but today’s youth have broken these barriers to foster acceptance.
Example: Nowadays, girls openly talk about menstrual health without blushing, and young kids are taught about “good touch, bad touch.” Millennials and Gen Z use social media to normalize talking about mental health, and it’s working. Even celebrities are joining in, sharing their own struggles and making it okay to be vulnerable. Imagine telling Grandma you posted about your “mental health journey” on Instagram—she might think you’re asking for trouble.
Insight: Studies indicate openness helps reduce stigma and promote well-being. While the older generation might side-eye these conversations as “too much information,” today’s youth are helping us see that honesty can actually be a form of strength, transforming vulnerability into strength.
3. Acceptance of Individuality: Welcome to “Come As You Are” Culture
Gone are the days of strict dress codes and cookie-cutter career paths. The youth today are trailblazers, taking up careers in freelancing, content creation, and yes, even being “influencers.” “9-to-5” is just a suggestion.
Example: In my day, dressing up meant something—now, it might mean wearing a matching sweatsuit for your work-from-home “meetings.” Career choices are just as unconventional, with more people pursuing personal growth over stability.
Insight: As per a Gallup poll, younger generations now prioritize meaning and purpose, making career choices that would have made their grandparents say, “You’re doing what?” This shift may challenge traditional norms, but it’s also a testament to the value of self-expression and individual fulfillment.
4. Reduced Personal Interaction: Together Alone
Thanks to social media and texting, even family gatherings have become an exercise in everyone sitting in one room, talking to people who aren’t there. Family time has been redefined as “let’s all sit quietly together…on our own devices.” Do we know that while sitting with anyone using mobile could be disrespectful?
Example: Picture this: family members arrive for a dinner party, and instead of catching up, each one is glued to a screen. Seriously, is this a “family time”? The “good old days” had people gathering around to talk about their day, even debating a little. Now, we see families talking to strangers online rather than bonding with each other. Kids these days would rather get “likes” than listen to their mom’s day.
Insight: Research suggests that excessive smartphone use during social gatherings breeds social disconnection. Put the phone down, and you just might get to hear how Uncle’s business trip really went fostering more meaningful connections and presence.
5. Slang and Casual Speak: “It’s Chill,” but Is It?
“Hey, thanks!” has somehow become “No worries” and “It’s chill.” These phrases might seem friendly to younger folks but can come across as flippant or dismissive or overly casual to older generations, especially in professional settings. It can sometimes hinder clear communication, especially in professional or intergenerational exchanges. Today’s slang has a kind of “charm”—if by charm, you mean it might need subtitles.
Example: I’ve watched grandparents trying to decode the latest lingo just to understand what’s happening. And just as they’ve got “LOL” down, someone throws in a “YOLO” or a “TTYL.” For older generations, these new phrases are baffling, and honestly, a little insulting when they feel like they’re being dismissed as “old-fashioned.” …disrespecting is not a great sign of character of any person.
Insight: Studies on linguistic trends reveal that casual language can sometimes erode the authority or respectability of professional communication. Tone and language matter, especially when it comes to showing respect. Maybe it’s worth remembering that not everything has to be “chill”…while learning to adapt tone based on the audience, using formality where it’s appreciated.
6. Basic Courtesies: Is ‘Please’ Going the Way of the Dinosaur?
Once upon a time, “please” and “thank you” were non-negotiable. Holding doors open, standing up for elders, and helping out without being asked were all the norm. These days, some see this as old-fashioned. Kids might feel helping around the house is “beneath them,”…Some older generations view this as a loss of foundational respect. Back in my day, we balanced school, chores, and still found time to offer a helping hand.
Example: I remember coming home from school, doing chores- sweeping, dusting or cooking, and never seeing it as beneath me. Today, I see parents cleaning up after their grown kids, even their messiest messes (The toilet post use by their kids)! Times have changed, but basic respect shouldn’t go out of style. Precociousness never emerged as we were always told to retire to our rooms when the adults were having their arguments or sentimental conversations.
Insight: Studies confirm that small gestures aren’t just good manners; they’re bridges that span generations and essential for fostering mutual respect. Highlight examples like listening attentively, saying “please” and “thank you,” or showing respect for elders, or even getting up to take a glass of water or help in the kitchen or when maid isn’t around at home are occasionally overlooked. Youth today may consider these actions less relevant, yet they remain powerful gestures that bridge generational divides.
Why Etiquette Is Shifting: Key Reasons for the Change
Blending Old and New
Tips for Balancing Old and New Etiquette Expectations
Closing Reflection: Etiquette as Our Timeless Bridge
I remember being invited to a family gathering by a coachee- Let’s call her Sneha – a few years ago where three generations gathered. Sneha’s grandmother, a woman of meticulous manners, glanced curiously at the younger ones, raising her brow at the youngsters glued to their phone screens, exchanging quick laughs and emojis. Sneha’s mother, the bridge between generations, nudged them gently, whispering, “Phones down, its family time, time to listen.” Reluctantly, the devices disappeared, and what followed was a joyful meeting of old-world wisdom and new-age openness. Sneha’s grandmother shared tales of her youth, including the strict etiquette rules of her time, like never addressing an elder by their first name. The younger ones laughed, but you could see their eyes light up in genuine curiosity. Grandma’s stories captivated the young ones, and they explained to her why emojis are like “mini-digital winks.”
That evening, we saw etiquette come full circle. The respect for her traditions and their openness to listen made Sneha’s grandmother feel valued, and the laughter over modern slang made everyone feel included. It was a blend of old-world politeness and new-age expression—a small reminder that while our methods of connection may change, our need for respect and understanding is timeless.
So here we are: times may change, but our need for connection never does. Etiquette might evolve, but the purpose stays the same—to make others feel respected, valued, and seen. And hey, a heartfelt “thank you” never goes out of style!
