Ever hit a milestone that felt like you were starring in your own action movie? You know, when you’ve achieved something major—like completing a project that had “Mission Impossible” written all over it—and you’re basking in that quiet, well-earned glow of accomplishment? Then, you share your success in the hopes of a little connection, and suddenly, you’re greeted with a look that says, “Oh, someone thinks they’re the new superhero.” Cue the eye rolls, passive-aggressive chuckles, and that subtly whispered envy disguised as casual conversation. “Guess someone’s got their nose in the clouds,” they mutter, oblivious to the fact that you’re just trying to connect—not construct your own personal pedestal.
Welcome to the paradoxical slippery world of self-expression, where a little sharing can feel like a balancing act on a tightrope. Share too little, and you’re labeled “unremarkable.” Share too much, and—bam!—you’ve crossed the line from humble achiever to arrogant show-off. I like to call this the “Cup Conundrum.” Is my cup half full, overflowing, or just misunderstood? If I’ve already done, tried, or achieved something, mentioning it doesn’t make me a bragger —it’s simply me seeking new knowledge and pushing my own boundaries.
Let’s face it, we’ve all encountered the Green-Eyed Monster. It rears its ugly head when someone’s jealousy hijacks a perfectly good conversation, turning what should be a celebration into a cringe-worthy display of insecurity.
The Green-Eyed Elephant in the Room – When Progress Becomes a Target Board
Not everyone’s going to cheer for your achievements. Some folks hear about your latest success and suddenly transform into crabs in a bucket, trying to pull you back into the mediocrity from whence they came. I’ve witnessed it in counseling sessions, boardrooms, and—let’s be honest—at family gatherings.
You share news about your promotion, and instead of high fives, you get: “Must be because your boss likes you!” You mention pursuing higher education, and someone quips: “I bet they didn’t even check your grades!” But the pièce de résistance comes when you admit, “Work’s been overwhelming, and finances are tight,” and suddenly, the claws come out: “Why are you giving financial advice when you’re struggling yourself?” or “If it’s that bad, why’d you take that vacation?” It’s like everyone becomes an expert on your life choices the moment you open your mouth.
Take Priya, for instance. She was a mid-level manager I once coached—bright, creative, and full of ideas. But every time she suggested something new, her colleagues found ways to dismiss or downplay it. “Why does she always act like she knows more than everyone else?” they whispered. Priya wasn’t trying to outshine them; she was simply trying to lead the way forward. But their insecurities turned her brilliance into a threat. A classic case of insecurity masquerading as critique.
On the flip side, there was Mark—a CEO I worked with who struggled to share his vision. “Every time I try to inspire my team, it feels like they’re waiting for me to fail so they can say, ‘I told you so.’” Mark didn’t need cheerleaders; he needed people who would rise to the occasion and collaborate. After all, leaders thrive when they’re supported, not scrutinized.
The Green-Eyed Monster’s game plan? Nitpick, demean, and project insecurities, rather than empathize or celebrate.
The Illogical Standards People Set for Others
Now, here’s the kicker: Those who admire your success often end up using it or weaponize it against you. If you’re a doctor, you’re not allowed to get sick. If you’re a life coach, your life better be flawless. And don’t even think about being a financial advisor who has any financial hiccups. It’s like we expect professionals to live without ever needing advice—like chefs who never eat out or lawyers who never need legal counsel. Even superheroes have their off days—why shouldn’t we?
We have to remember that progress is messy. A successful businesswoman can struggle with personal finances, a motivational speaker can get demotivated, and even the best doctors sometimes need their own prescriptions.
When someone reaches out for help, whether for financial, emotional, or physical reasons, it’s not an invitation to judge their worth. It’s a call to empathize, much like doctors treating other doctors or therapists seeking therapy. This doesn’t make them hypocrites; it makes them human. We all need help now and then. Even superheroes in comic books have mentors, sidekicks, or moments where they question their capes.
What Fuels the Green-Eyed Monster?
At the heart of this behaviour lies an inferiority complex amplified by comparison culture. When people witness someone else’s success, it forces them to confront their own insecurities. Instead of using that moment for self-reflection, they turn to tactics like:
The Ripple Effect on Conversations
So, what happens when jealousy hijacks a conversation? It ruins the chance for meaningful connection and support. Here’s what it looks like in practice:
Let me put it humorously: if everyone turned their nitpicking energy into calorie-burning activities, we’d have a global fitness revolution overnight!
From Crab Mentality to Collective Climbing
Sadly, many people suffer from what we call “crab mentality”—the tendency to pull others down instead of lifting themselves up. Imagine if we flipped the script. Picture a world where collaboration trumps competition. Think of the early days of Apple, where Steve Jobs’ vision met Steve Wozniak’s technical genius. They didn’t compete; they collaborated—and the rest is history. Or consider Jacinda Ardern, who, as New Zealand’s Prime Minister, made collaboration her superpower, rallying people together through empathy and a shared vision.
Mimicking someone’s success isn’t inherently bad—so long as you’re doing it with a progressive mindset. Take inspiration, create something of your own, but don’t imitate out of jealousy. It’s a one-way ticket to a hollow victory.
What the world truly needs is more people who believe in collective progress. It’s not about outdoing others; it’s about moving forward together.
The Silent Struggles of Leaders
For those of us who dare to dream big or lead others, speaking your mind can be a risky business. There will always be those who misinterpret your words, project their insecurities onto you, or judge you for your struggles. It’s no wonder so many leaders bottle up their thoughts—fearing the backlash that comes with being open.
But what if we started listening to understand instead of critique? What if we celebrated each other’s victories as stepping stones, not roadblocks? Leaders—whether they’re CEOs, parents, or community builders—thrive in environments where they feel supported, not scrutinized.
Help Without Hidden Agendas
Here’s a radical idea: When you help someone, do it with a pure heart. Don’t do it to gloat, judge, or pull them down later. Your actions and words can either lift someone up or drag them deeper into despair. Sometimes, you may be the key to reigniting their confidence, or at worst, your unkind words could push them further into depression. Words and actions have consequences. If you can’t help someone, that’s okay—but don’t sabotage their progress.
And for the love of humanity, don’t be a fair-weather friend. Be the person they can lean on, whether they’re up or down, because that’s what they’ll remember.
How to Slay the Green-Eyed Monster
So, how do we rewrite the narrative?
The Joy of Progressive Souls – Let’s Be Human Together
At the end of the day, I’d rather surround myself with souls who believe in growth and shared joy, who see success as a collective endeavor, not a zero-sum game. So, next time someone shares their success, don’t roll your eyes or turn the conversation into a competition. Smile. Cheer them on. And if you’re feeling inspired, ask, “What’s next?” Because the journey is far more fulfilling when we walk together. Even the mightiest oak needs water, and even the best professionals need help sometimes. Let’s leave the crab mentality behind and embrace a mindset of abundance. Life’s ups and downs are much easier to navigate when we’re helping each other climb. And if the Green-Eyed Monster sneaks up on you? Hand it a cup of tea, remind it there’s room for everyone, and keep moving forward together. After all, when we walk together, the journey is far more joyful—and far less lonely.
